Classy Ass

OK. Is this guy living in the closet or what? Can you imagine balling him in there with his face buried in a pile of shoes on the floor while you are inhaling moth ball fumes from the shelves? That has the makings of a hot fetish scene. Curtains go with the Xmas mess from the previous post. Excellent compositional balance with the ass centered between two sets of textiles.

This kid is sublime. His ass is positioned right above the quilt patch that is in the shape of a pussy. Utter brilliance.

This is genius advertising for Hennessy; try the Hennessy Black line next time for added effect. Nice ass too. Forget all that crap piled up in the background though. How safe is this though? I'd switch to plastic.

Halloween Tricks

Inspired by the frights of Halloween, here is my latest round of tasteless online hook-up photos culled over the summer and early fall.

First up, we have a violator of the main rule of advertising yourself on Adam4Madame: Use recent photos! 1994?! Nothing about this photo is sexy (dirty shirt, shit on the dresser behind him, uninspired look on his face that does not draw you closer), so it is a wonder he hasn't gotten rid of his photos entirely, perhaps getting luckier with the aura of mystery.

"Thank you...I think." This guys seems so unsure, but he is appreciative at least. Does he really have to beg you to look at his profile, bribing you with a cake? Go fake Yankees jersey! Maybe I will hit him up to ask about the potentially interesting painting in the background shadows.

OK. Here is something pretty after all that mess. He is cute, but what is up with the whiteout over the friend with the nice tits? If he has the software to draw all over his ex-boyfriend's face, it seems likely that he might have a cropping feature in that program or a pair of scissors. This photo must be 10 years old since no one is drawing over their companion's faces anymore.

If these guys are gay, how come they have no decoration sense? Just look at that massive set of theatre curtains he has in his bedroom. They must have been leftover from Liberace's last show at the Stardust in Las Vegas back in 1974. Fucking in my grandmother's bedroom is not hot. I won't even get into that belt (his pants are another story though ;).

Does his little sister know that he jacks off and takes photos of himself in her bedroom? Maybe SHE is the one snapping the camera! Holly Hobby decor is very retro.

Just because the set designer didn't need all of the plastic flowers from the Jack Smith biographical documentary film shoot does not mean that you should bring them home and turn your house into a toxic fire hazard and eye sore.

How many clashing patterns can you count? And what about those TWO calendars on the wall, one of them featuring hunks, right next to the collection of cheap plush animals resting atop the faux wood headboard with the stickers on it. And get your dirty kicks off of my spread!

And the winner of the worst online hook-up photo this week, in his macho Halloween splendor, is this queen of the rodeo.

July 4th Repost Part 1

This is a repost from earlier in the year. Just in time for the big holiday weekend, here is a long-overdue collection of misguided photos culled from the best online hook-up sites, all resplendent in their brand of American tact. This month's theme focuses on the beauty of distinctly American decorating styles. Let me know which guy(s) you like and I will put you in touch.

This guy is actually a neighbor. He lives in a storage closet, where he has everything he needs from A to Z, including $4 mesh Jocko underwear from Daffys.

This is the first guy's roommate. They are not the Odd Couple, and get along very well since both of them possess the decoration and cleaning traits of Oscar Madison. I'd fuck him no matter how hideous that painting on the wall is. And do you think he needs that small fake Bose stereo if he has that giant speaker right next to it, the one with the lamp wedged against it? And how old is that vacuum cleaner under the piano?

This poor kid spent all of his money on those endless tall stacks of DVDs and can't afford to lease the adjoining closet to the one he has thoughtfully decorated with a local bar rag porn calendar, which is precariously just an inch above the power strip that is overloaded with electric air polluter night lights. And whose foot is that on the plaid bedspread? How old do you think the photo is, gauging by the year 2000 cow-girl Madonna video playing on the large TV behind him? I won't gamble with him, despite the bulge behind his dice.

Grandma must have been taking a nap in the backroom of the family-owned funeral parlor/bridal chamber while grandson took this photo up front. The presence of the white faux silk curtains gestures at his innocence.

This next work of art features classic American craft work. The minimalist composition expertly juxtaposes natural and artificial fabrics with round and square geometric shapes. The centering of the the trees in the background is slightly off so as to draw more attention to the two mountains in the foreground. This artist celebrates the natural beauty of hiking and Christmas year round.

More Nots

This is not the worst, but was found around Easter. He is clearly very spiritual. This guy is well put together but did not notice one of his candles had fallen off of his alter. Or is that a can of Lysol?

This guy has pride!

Imagine the size of his ego. He has a giant mural of himself! I hope that they are painting over it with a car ad.

What Power ranger is this? Check out those curtains and floor patterns.

Hot ass + mops always turn me on. Too bad he didn't crop out the pimple/herpes blister on his right leg.

Another bottom with no tact. He needs a good silhouette demonstration.

Starting From The Bottom

Have you been browsing the online meet market and been assaulted visually by tacky photos that are in no way attractive? Me too. Welcome to Not Shots, a rogue gallery of scary sights from male hookup sites. The temptation to critique these images has led to the creation of this blog. Comment freely. If you recognize your photo, have a good laugh and take a tip. If you can't handle it, email me and I will remove it. 

Many themes covered in my reviews will center around tastlessness of many kinds, including—but not limited to— self representation, concepts of sexyness, exhibitionism, grooming, photographic innovations, home decoration, house cleaning, and more.  

This is the first photo that kicked it all off.

Notice the baby photo on the guy's right side and the Flinstones illustrations on the left beyond the molded napkin holder. This is tackier than the wall paper and the tablecloth he is on. And what about that chandelier? He gets points for doing it in the kitchen though.