Fun + Fright

After spending more time figuring out this crappy interface, I realized that I had truncated a few posts by adding a "jump" that continued the fierce posts on another page. Whoops! Please review all of the older posts for now-revealed gems! To celebrate, indulge in more fright at http://www.luriddigs.com. That site features a more robust set of features and frights with much in common with Not Shots. But they are in the big league and have a huge amount of momentum and vicious reads. Big up to Lurid Digs!

Alright. Onto the mayhem of messy men. This posting is a little disturbing. I found these photos wherein perhaps the men were not aware of the potential to freak out possible tricks.

Here is G.I. Joisy playing Denzel Washington in Courage Under Fire with his boys at the paintball killing fields. First of all, this photo is about as old as Stalag 17. I say this not only cuz this dude has been using the same photo since 14.4K modems, but also because who the hell is playing paintball anymore? That fad went out of style while Bill Clinton was in office. OK, maybe there is a butch costume fetish appeal, and the guy is serving mug too under my Hot Shots identity-saving eye bar, but I cant help but think of how terrifying armed groups of (para-) military can be. Think CIA-funded death squads, Black Water, NYPD, LAPD, etc. Aside from that, notice how he has the shaft of the "gun" positioned in his crotch. 

This is really scary. He has a fucking chainsaw, a severe smile, and is holding down that cute lil pup who is gonna get get sliced up like that tree branch on the right. The Chainsaw Manicurist (thanks to punk tranny Legend Jayne County for that song title [http://jaynecounty.com[) has a skull illustration on his shirt to boot. If you still find him pursuable, don't go to his house or opt to meet for a nice walk in a secluded woods. That is my best advise. Clearly, he is looking for attention with his disposable-once-covered-in-your-blood plastic orange pants. And he's got Princess Leia scream-canceling headphones too. He's serious.

Speaking of skulls, this is wild! Imagine hooking up with a guy and he wants to take pictures of you as he is giving you head. But instead of pulling out a camera, he wheels out an Xray machine! Nah, it ain't some giant format old-school bellows film camera, it's a fucking Xray machine! I wonder if he sets their online screen names in the lead at the bottom of the plate ("Dr. Love"). So this is more weird than scary. Upon closer inspection, this guy has a ton of cavities with fillings. Too bad. Maybe all that xray radiation is demineralizing his teeth. Notice the close proximity between his first cervical vertebrae, atlas, and occiput. Time to call the chiropractor. At least he'll have xrays ready. 

This guy is gonna need an xray if he slips on his ass juice and Crisco and busts his booty wide open with that bat! This really challenges the guidelines for safer sex, or common sense. Maybe laying down and shoving the bat up inside his backside would be less risky. That takes away from the thrill surely. That lonely fat butplug on the floor is of no use anymore now that he can take a tree limb. Next, he will be riding fire hydrants. I think the Gay Games should consider anal expansion as a competitive category. Forget being hung like a horse. You need to be hung like an elephant for this bat boy to feel anything. 


And what about splinters in your hemroids? Wouldn't an aluminum bat be a wiser choice? Now, is that a stack of green sponges by his right leg for when he breaks his water and needs to mop up his miscarriage? Good luck to Slugger trying to make a home run to jam more cunt rags up his hole with all his innards dragging behind him like a dragon tail. And when his mom visited last week, she didn't think he was a freak judging by those subdued green gingham shower curtains.

All these guys must not give a damn about what people say. Alright! They are probably thinking what Jayne County sings in her song "If You Don't Want To Fuck Me, Fuck Off!" which can be heard here (I could not find an online version of Texas Chainsaw Manicurist)  http://homepage.ntlworld.com/shaun.morris/AudioVideo/fuck.mov

Classy Ass

OK. Is this guy living in the closet or what? Can you imagine balling him in there with his face buried in a pile of shoes on the floor while you are inhaling moth ball fumes from the shelves? That has the makings of a hot fetish scene. Curtains go with the Xmas mess from the previous post. Excellent compositional balance with the ass centered between two sets of textiles.

This kid is sublime. His ass is positioned right above the quilt patch that is in the shape of a pussy. Utter brilliance.

This is genius advertising for Hennessy; try the Hennessy Black line next time for added effect. Nice ass too. Forget all that crap piled up in the background though. How safe is this though? I'd switch to plastic.

Clean Your Messy Ass

Where should I start with this mess?! Look at all that shit. Get him a dumpster for the over-decorated fake Xmas tree, the chess set... and that electric cable behind his shit-piled bed means he is hot!

Baby got back, and mismatched classic petite bourgeoisie wooden furniture. Look at all that crap by the staircase. That lampshade under the chair must be really useful. And what is all that shit on the Cuisinart box and table? Put away those clothes on the staircase banister. Call a gay man with taste to decorate your home or you ain't gettin' no dick muthafukkah!

What a fukking mess! My skin crawls from this clutter. I'd say throw a stick of dynamite in that apartment, but I think that was already done! He's got stuffed animals playing instruments piled on top of what is probably years worth of junk.

What is all that shit? Send the dumpster down to his house if there is any room in it after the Xmas clean up in the first shot. And with all of these cats, I have to wonder how they think this is appealing or attractive. I gotta go scrub the grout in my bathroom floor tiles now. Please excuse me.

July 4th Repost Part 1

This is a repost from earlier in the year. Just in time for the big holiday weekend, here is a long-overdue collection of misguided photos culled from the best online hook-up sites, all resplendent in their brand of American tact. This month's theme focuses on the beauty of distinctly American decorating styles. Let me know which guy(s) you like and I will put you in touch.

This guy is actually a neighbor. He lives in a storage closet, where he has everything he needs from A to Z, including $4 mesh Jocko underwear from Daffys.

This is the first guy's roommate. They are not the Odd Couple, and get along very well since both of them possess the decoration and cleaning traits of Oscar Madison. I'd fuck him no matter how hideous that painting on the wall is. And do you think he needs that small fake Bose stereo if he has that giant speaker right next to it, the one with the lamp wedged against it? And how old is that vacuum cleaner under the piano?

This poor kid spent all of his money on those endless tall stacks of DVDs and can't afford to lease the adjoining closet to the one he has thoughtfully decorated with a local bar rag porn calendar, which is precariously just an inch above the power strip that is overloaded with electric air polluter night lights. And whose foot is that on the plaid bedspread? How old do you think the photo is, gauging by the year 2000 cow-girl Madonna video playing on the large TV behind him? I won't gamble with him, despite the bulge behind his dice.

Grandma must have been taking a nap in the backroom of the family-owned funeral parlor/bridal chamber while grandson took this photo up front. The presence of the white faux silk curtains gestures at his innocence.

This next work of art features classic American craft work. The minimalist composition expertly juxtaposes natural and artificial fabrics with round and square geometric shapes. The centering of the the trees in the background is slightly off so as to draw more attention to the two mountains in the foreground. This artist celebrates the natural beauty of hiking and Christmas year round.

More Nots

This is not the worst, but was found around Easter. He is clearly very spiritual. This guy is well put together but did not notice one of his candles had fallen off of his alter. Or is that a can of Lysol?

This guy has pride!

Imagine the size of his ego. He has a giant mural of himself! I hope that they are painting over it with a car ad.

What Power ranger is this? Check out those curtains and floor patterns.

Hot ass + mops always turn me on. Too bad he didn't crop out the pimple/herpes blister on his right leg.

Another bottom with no tact. He needs a good silhouette demonstration.

More Hotties

That is hot mess. This first guy is actually very sweet: he accepts food stamps for his services.

This next guy is following the recent trend of posing in a young girl's bedroom. Check out those hot kiddie pop star posters on the walls. Zac's got back!

This guy better be making outcalls only. You do not want to meet him in his disaster closet.

Starting From The Bottom

Have you been browsing the online meet market and been assaulted visually by tacky photos that are in no way attractive? Me too. Welcome to Not Shots, a rogue gallery of scary sights from male hookup sites. The temptation to critique these images has led to the creation of this blog. Comment freely. If you recognize your photo, have a good laugh and take a tip. If you can't handle it, email me and I will remove it. 

Many themes covered in my reviews will center around tastlessness of many kinds, including—but not limited to— self representation, concepts of sexyness, exhibitionism, grooming, photographic innovations, home decoration, house cleaning, and more.  

This is the first photo that kicked it all off.

Notice the baby photo on the guy's right side and the Flinstones illustrations on the left beyond the molded napkin holder. This is tackier than the wall paper and the tablecloth he is on. And what about that chandelier? He gets points for doing it in the kitchen though.