Clean Your Messy Ass

Where should I start with this mess?! Look at all that shit. Get him a dumpster for the over-decorated fake Xmas tree, the chess set... and that electric cable behind his shit-piled bed means he is hot!

Baby got back, and mismatched classic petite bourgeoisie wooden furniture. Look at all that crap by the staircase. That lampshade under the chair must be really useful. And what is all that shit on the Cuisinart box and table? Put away those clothes on the staircase banister. Call a gay man with taste to decorate your home or you ain't gettin' no dick muthafukkah!

What a fukking mess! My skin crawls from this clutter. I'd say throw a stick of dynamite in that apartment, but I think that was already done! He's got stuffed animals playing instruments piled on top of what is probably years worth of junk.

What is all that shit? Send the dumpster down to his house if there is any room in it after the Xmas clean up in the first shot. And with all of these cats, I have to wonder how they think this is appealing or attractive. I gotta go scrub the grout in my bathroom floor tiles now. Please excuse me.

Halloween Tricks

Inspired by the frights of Halloween, here is my latest round of tasteless online hook-up photos culled over the summer and early fall.

First up, we have a violator of the main rule of advertising yourself on Adam4Madame: Use recent photos! 1994?! Nothing about this photo is sexy (dirty shirt, shit on the dresser behind him, uninspired look on his face that does not draw you closer), so it is a wonder he hasn't gotten rid of his photos entirely, perhaps getting luckier with the aura of mystery.

"Thank you...I think." This guys seems so unsure, but he is appreciative at least. Does he really have to beg you to look at his profile, bribing you with a cake? Go fake Yankees jersey! Maybe I will hit him up to ask about the potentially interesting painting in the background shadows.

OK. Here is something pretty after all that mess. He is cute, but what is up with the whiteout over the friend with the nice tits? If he has the software to draw all over his ex-boyfriend's face, it seems likely that he might have a cropping feature in that program or a pair of scissors. This photo must be 10 years old since no one is drawing over their companion's faces anymore.

If these guys are gay, how come they have no decoration sense? Just look at that massive set of theatre curtains he has in his bedroom. They must have been leftover from Liberace's last show at the Stardust in Las Vegas back in 1974. Fucking in my grandmother's bedroom is not hot. I won't even get into that belt (his pants are another story though ;).

Does his little sister know that he jacks off and takes photos of himself in her bedroom? Maybe SHE is the one snapping the camera! Holly Hobby decor is very retro.

Just because the set designer didn't need all of the plastic flowers from the Jack Smith biographical documentary film shoot does not mean that you should bring them home and turn your house into a toxic fire hazard and eye sore.

How many clashing patterns can you count? And what about those TWO calendars on the wall, one of them featuring hunks, right next to the collection of cheap plush animals resting atop the faux wood headboard with the stickers on it. And get your dirty kicks off of my spread!

And the winner of the worst online hook-up photo this week, in his macho Halloween splendor, is this queen of the rodeo.